I get my hopes up and they come crashing down. What is the point of positive thinking really? In the end when everything is going down hill... you just realize how misconstrued your hopes really were. It's like... shitting your pants... there is no good aspect about it... except maybe the fact that people will stay away from you.
People that's another problem... everyone has something to say to someone else about what I need to be doing, what I don't need to do, and what I need to think about. Look at yourselves for a minute. I'm not the only one on trial for my stupid decisions and actions. I am tired of feeling pushed around by everyone in my life and I do mean everyone!
The only one who is not pushing me around is myself... and that's only because I'm kicking the FUCKING SHIT out of myself right now, pushing isn't enough. Honestly, a black eye would feel pretty good compared to the emotional pain.
I have no one to blame but myself and it's up to me to pick myself back up. The pieces aren't all going to fit back the same way (think of it like puzzle pieces that got soggy and wet when they were tossed in the toilet) but if you'll be there when I come off of this ride I'll see you when I get there.