It has been a while. I have not been writing here, or anywhere for weeks.
I have been trying to sort through things.
Trying to take it all in without cracking. Let me tell you, it's not easy.
I am realizing a lot of things about myself. With that I am really working hard on sifting through it, I guess I am processing myself.
I have to accept myself now. I have to accept all the little things I dislike or they will chew me up and spit me out. I have to accept that that I am NOT like this person or that person. That I may never be even close to who I really want to be but that being me is ok. I have been chasing "normal" for a very long time and always falling short.
I have to embrace who I am and make the best of it.
No more fake smiles because I am not kidding anyone anyways! I need to accept this and I need to take small steps toward improvements. Because sitting around wishing for things is like digging a bigger hole of self pity and it is plenty deep enough.
As I walk along this untamed path please be understanding.