Tuesday, December 5, 2017

Who We Are

I've been reflecting lately.
I believe that some parts of who we are have been there inside of us before we even knew it ourselves. 

I've been sneaking sips of coffee since I was a toddler and coffee is one of my favorite drinks. 
I've had an intense fascination wish other cultures, beliefs, and religions since I was a child and it hasn't stopped. 
When I learned about Hanukkah I insisted on getting a little plastic battery operated menorah. I don't remember this, my mother told me about it a little over a year ago when I was talking to her about Judaism.
When I was little I tried to knit pieces of yarn with pencils for knitting needles, despite everyone in my life being crocheters and living in a house full of crochet hooks. I learned recently that knitting comes naturally to me. 

When I was 5 or 6 years old I decided that I was never going to love anyone else the way that I loved the little boy who rode the same bus and lived just down the road. I wanted to marry him, and years later I did.
When I was little I loved thrift shops and antique stores. I always found something that I thought was curious and unique and wanted to bring home. I'm still a collector of unique things. I get so excited at amazing things that could have been lost with time and dust.
I've always loved jelly donuts, the smell of rain, the way new baby cows look curiously around at the new world they're in almost as though they remember being in their mother's wombs more clearly.
The childish wonder of a vivid rainbow has never faded.
I enjoy the smell of warm milk but not the taste and maybe in another 30 years I'll enjoy the taste and think in wonder at how I must have known deep down all this time, but that part of who I am was not yet ready to be.


With some things we just are who we are I think. 
Who we are is who we were before we realized we were old enough to be anything yet.

I'm not sure if we enjoy things so much that they become characteristics or if our, perhaps god-given, ingrained characteristics guide us and shape us into the passions and greatest loves of our lives and who we are ultimately seen as by ourselves and everyone else.





Monday, October 30, 2017

Bending Lest We Break

I hope I can put this into words more eloquently than I anticipate it to sound...

What I thought was going to be an emotional roller coaster of a weekend. Turned out to be pretty great. I don't really know how much to share on such a topic but the truth is family relationships are so hard. It takes a lot of work, as all relationships do.

Sadly it is easier to neglect those connections with time and distance. Then add misconstrued conversations. Then you add in technology and personal insecurities. What a recipe it is. In a time when people are so connected, it is easy to completely disconnect from each other all the same.

I think a lot of reconnecting happened this weekend and it was pretty fucking amazing. I think that with time and distance came too the opportunity for personal growth and independence. Time changes people and so does life.

I'm thankful for this weekend and re-connection with family.
Life is fleeting. Not everyone gets that and it makes you cherish it so much more.




Sunday, October 29, 2017

Insecurities About Being A Homemaker

I have really been struggling lately with being a homemaker vs. working outside the home.

I get email updates regularly for new job listings. I read through them meticulously wondering if perhaps one of these jobs might be the right one for me. But mostly the jobs that speak to me require more experience and/or education than I possess. I'm left feeling inadequate and just kind of worthless. Almost like I'm taking things too personally?

However, at the same time I've been trying to focus on being more productive at home. Getting more things done, saving money, being more available and less distracted. I believe that a stay at home mother is supposed to be an asset to her family. I haven't felt like I've been doing this job very well to be honest. I feel like more of a burden than an asset and I spent a good chunk of time crying about it a couple days ago.

If I don't have the skills or education for a job outside the home to be able to contribute financially to my family I have to do this homemaker job well. And if I don't then I've failed monumentally.

But in this I've got to let go a little bit. I've got to accept that this is my decision, that I want to be a homemaker and I want to do it well. Because I don't know that I've taken this job seriously now that my kids have been getting older and I know I've taken this opportunity for granted on many levels.

It is also hard to feel like I'm in the right place. I don't know any other women who are "career homemakers".... if that makes sense, I'm not even sure that's even a term close to what I mean. But I battle feeling like I'm not doing enough because I see so many women working and I know I shouldn't compare but I do. And I admire them so much! I think that they are amazing.

Maybe I feel guilty because I'm not a very good homemaker. But in my mind maybe I'm delusional about what that actually means. I feel like if I'm not good at this job, I really should have a job. And maybe like parenting I'm always going to feel a bit insecure and that doesn't necessarily mean I'm doing an awful job, it could just mean that I want to strive to always improve and get better at it. 

I wonder if other women struggle with these feelings.

Thursday, October 19, 2017

Our Little House On The Prairie

I guess you could say I've been dealing with some restless energy. I tend to go all in when there is an idea or a possibility. I want to explore it completely and learn everything that I can.

In most cases this is wasted energy because nothing comes of it.

But at least I am informed completely and that might make it easier to cast aside the crazy ideas from the good ones.

What am I talking about?

Well our house is small. We need more space and we don't know how to get the most for our money.

At first I had wanted to expand the laundry room out from the back of the house, and include enough space to make it a sufficient mud room and alternate entry with a good size storage closet and also put a bedroom out there as well.
We've also been thinking from the other end of the house to the right of the fireplace would be a good doorway down to a mud room that leads to a garage and then put a loft above with a couple bedrooms. Hell, maybe we need both additions for this house realistically.


But realistically, we don't have the money up front for it, and we also don't have enough equity in the house to borrow from the bank.
Perhaps if we found a way to fund one renovation... we could have the equity to build the other one. It is so damn expensive and we also want to expand our farming endeavors. We need a proper barn especially if we're getting goats and rabbits in the spring like we are planning.


We discussed the option of selling and buying a bigger piece of land and building on it... but it just doesn't feel like the right choice. That would have to be painfully expensive for one thing. And I really like our neighbors here.


Having more property is something that we intend to do in the future. It is an incredible investment to make. It could be property for our children to build houses one day, it could be something that is kept in the family for generations. Who knows.


But that's what has been on my mind.
Here's a general idea of our floor plan. My bathroom is different. There is  a fireplace and built in bookshelves/cabinets on the far wall in the Family Room. The dining room has our most used entry door in it.



Saturday, October 14, 2017

Opened A Shop

I have been collecting vintage items for years. Clothes, books, vases, etc.
Throughout all the years and moves and downsizing I ended up getting rid of some of my collection. Which has resulted in some serious face palm action, but overall I'm ok with that. While I love these items and I have a good eye for finding them, I cannot logically keep them, it would be a hoarding situation. Honestly I'd be ok with that, but realistically I need to make arrangements for these amazing vintage finds to go to their new homes.

Therefore I set up an Etsy shop this week! It has been a long time coming and I'm so excited about it!
Getting to share what I love with the world and maybe make some money to help support my family a bit, or fund all my crafty adventures that seem to add up to a bill all their own every month. I think I spent $150 in September on paint and sanders and more paint and hardware for furniture. It seriously adds up.

I painted the dining room table a few weeks back and it is sooo pretty. I've had the dining set for nearly 10 years now and the color really gave it new life. I'm trying to decide if I want to paint the chairs too or if I want to replace the chairs with stools for a cleaner looking dining space. I'll write on my projects at another time. When I have all my photographs organized.


Here is a link to my shop. I only have 4 items listed right now.
Crafty Country Vintage


 As I navigate time management and prep items for sale more will be listed.

Truth be told, I'm pretty excited and I'm happy to have followed through on this after so many years.
Wish me luck.














Saturday, October 7, 2017

All Bark & No Spine

I thought dogs were supposed to be brave and protective.

I went outside to close up the chickens and I was using a headlamp, turns out the chickens have other plans and are sleeping outside tonight. I moved the little hens to the coop and let the boys stay out, they are too numerous and I figure if you've got all your rooster buddies by your side you're a stronger team against anything that might come at you.

So in order not to blind them with the super bright setting I had to cycle through all the options on the head lamp. The red one terrifies our 4 month old puppy, Banner. Well he saw it from about 100 ft away and sounded the alarm. He runs back to the porch and our 5 year old, Jarvis is at the end of the house ignoring me and barking.

This goes on for quite a while as I'm putting my bitty chicky girls into the coop. I assume maybe there is something out in the yard. He could have seen the neighbors cows and needs to just chill. I start making my way across the yard, and what does my big protector dog do?

He takes the fuck off as fast as he can and leaves me and the puppy to fend for ourselves.

I can only assume at this point he just figured I was dead and he was on his own.

I cautiously walked around the back of the house because you just never know if your neutered dog is going to grow a pair and accidentally maul and kill you in your own yard.
There he was, at the back door, waiting for someone to notice him and let him back into the house.

I assume he'd have curled up on the couch and pretended nothing happened at all if I never returned.

Friends, do not rely on an animal for protection or reassurance, it would be heavily misplaced. The more ferocious the dog looks, the more of a wimp he is likely to be.

I honestly think that the puppy has a better handle on himself after witnessing what happened.
What did he do?
Well, he stood his ground on the front porch, tall and brave but cautious. And when I walked toward the house he came off the porch to investigate. Only when I said "Banner its mommy" did he wag his tail and trot up to me.

Maybe this one will be better at protecting, he'd better not look to his older brother for guidance because he's all bark and no spine.

Friday, October 6, 2017

Nighttime Ramblings

There was a time that I had wanted to be a writer. As far as my actual writing goes, I am certain I make many mistakes in writing. Incorrect punctuation and all that sort of stuff that I don't even know what it is.
Maybe you just hire someone to edit that kind of stuff for you and focus on the inspirational aspects instead.

This post is crap, I feel restless, like I need to make something but I don't know what.
I figured with it being 10 pm maybe writing would be a decent creative outlet but I see now that it is nothing more than rambling thoughts.


Everyone has to start somewhere right?

I had a dream last night that I was cutting umbilical cords? That's interesting.

I have all kinds of strange dreams. I wish I could remember more about them when I wake up but it doesn't seem to work like that. Too bad.

I wish I felt like reading. But I don't, I feel like doing.

So I started a load of laundry and said to hell with the sink full of dishes.
Maybe I'll wake up tomorrow with a better sense of what it is that I'm creatively constipated about. I probably have a project to finish that I'm forgetting about.

There is always another project though. At least for me, I use them to keep myself busy so I don't end up thinking too much. Perhaps I spent too much time thinking while I was driving around today.

Something is screaming outside, an animal, a bird? Maybe a rabbit. It makes me so nervous for my chickens.

I think my anxiety is causing all this restlessness. Sometimes it can make a person so productive! Other times its just an uneasy feeling.

Hopefully the next time I write it will be a little more captivating, not that I have an audience though.

Thursday, October 5, 2017

Rabbit Hole (January 2017)

I absolutely fell down the rabbit hole after that last post.
A lot happened in the last 6 months. A lot.
While going through chiropractic care after the car accident we were also in the spontaneous process of buying a house!
Which is like one of the most stressful things ever. We had no plans of moving again, but an opportunity presented itself and we simply had to go for it.

Then some family legal stuff. Then holidays. Then I turned 30 which I barely made it through before falling to pieces.

But with so much change on top of anxiety.. I fell apart for a while.

I acted like a crazy person at least a handful of times.

At one point I was certain my marriage wouldnt be able to endure my depression. I can’t go there.

I’m finally seeing a doctor again after years being determined to live with my immune issues and pain. I get answers next week. I’d say maybe antidepressants too but, I’m fine now which leads me to think it’s probably the family bipolar gene. Zippity do dah.

We do not have any home internet(it hasn’t made its way our this far yet haha), so I have tons of time to write, not being distracted by streaming or any other fun stuff lol. But typing hurts my hands. I’m not sure it it is related to medical issues or if I’m out of practice from being unplugged for so long.
 But either way I don’t have a laptop, yet so I can’t connect and share anything anyway.

Maybe that’s part of why things got so bad, I had no platform and neglected the part where I write and self analyze to prevent further damage.
So I’m writing this from my cell phone now because I just have to find a way if it is important enough I suppose.
I could probably blast through all my data writing.

I want to write about my cow neighbors, no really they are cows. And our new rooster Carl. And what life is like without the internet or cable or dish. By the way, netflix still has dvd subscriptions! We have been watching Outlander and I love it!

But for now I’ll just leave this, and say that I fell down the rabbit hole, my anxiety consumed me, and depression tried to destroy everything, but I’ve pulled back out, I didn’t die.
I didn’t die. Sometimes that’s all you can really do, is to choose to live, to keep trying. If everything falls apart and you come out of the wreckage with a beating heart, you’re doing ok.
Not everyone will understand. They don’t have to.
But I didn’t give up in any sense.

Generalized Anxiety Disorder


Sometimes, I don’t feel like all people really understand anxiety. They are the ones who feel it in small bursts when life gets stressful and things are too much. Many people even have situational anxiety. “Oh okay, you’re feeling anxious.” *pffft*
But I’m talking about the kind that becomes a part of you, it infiltrates your life and gobbles you whole like a monster. It wears out its welcome and it leaves you wishing for those vices, begging for relief.
We were in a car accident, car was totaled while our occupants only endured minor injuries. But it awakened the monster dwelling inside me. I’ve been a mess.
I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I can’t stay asleep when I do sleep. I feel like I’m being crushed from the outside in and the inside out. Sometimes my body feels like it is going to burst into flames. I can’t breathe. I can’t digest my food properly and end up on the toilet all the fucking time. My body is having an existential crisis. I say “my body” because I usually feel fine in my mind but my body doesn’t know it, it still thinks something is wrong. I worry all the time. My hormones are off, my period is late(no womb minions, thank you very much).
If I can’t keep my mind steady my body reacts even more. Giving in to worry or acknowledging stress is not a good idea. I don’t want to be this person this scared, worried, shaking person, who has irrelevant dreams and relevant dreams who tosses and turns with kicky feet.
I’ve never wanted this.
But anxiety has been a part of who I am since I was little.
I used to get so excited before birthdays and holidays that I’d be sick, vomiting and diarrhea sick. I’ve always been a ball of nerves.

I have anxiety every fucking day, low key manageable anxiety, I live with it and I cope pretty well under the usual circumstances. In the grocery store, driving, waking up in the morning, going to sleep at night, making dinner, using the telephone, checking the mail, I worry about the chickens, the cars, the driveway, water toxicity, my children, my child with special needs, homeschooling and not homeschooling. I worry about society and god forbid someone starts with me about this fucking election, I can’t. I’m going to start bursting into tears pretty soon, I’ll hear “Woah I didn’t know she cared so much.” in hushed voices, because I just CAN’T be a stable human being anymore. Because I’ve maxed out my anxiety thresholds. I’m not in control anymore my body is just responding and I don’t know why most of the time.
I worry about family and friends and I always try to be ready and available for them. Sometimes I should be less available that’s for certain. Self preservation fails me time and again and it seems people don’t see me for the ball of nerves that I am.
I’m happy. I’m anxious but I’m really happy in my life. After a while, if I cannot get this anxiety under control I won’t be happy any more.
My fight or flight will kick in, more than it already is, and I will be in crisis mode.
This isn’t where my detailed anxiety experience ends.
This is the point at which I have to do the things that ease my anxiety, even on the days I feel ok. I have to calm my body I have to be centered again. I have to. There are no exceptions.
And this is the song that is coming to mind.
“Everything is going to be alright, rockabye”

Purpose Passion and Other Such Mythical Creatures

Lately my life’s purpose has weighed heavy on my mind.
What am I supposed to be doing?
What will make me feel fulfilled?
How can I leave a mark?
What is my passion?

I’ve been raising children for the last 12 years. They have been my passion, my reason to wake up, my happiness, my purpose. But I cannot put all that onto the backs of my children for one day they will be grown and they will stretch and find they have outgrown me and they will move on.

I don’t want to feel like I’m losing myself when they’ve moved on with their own lives or any such other way that comes from having nothing important in ones life other than her children.

Maybe either way I’m selfish. Maybe I’m supposed to focus on my children and then quickly shift into my next calling when that chapter is through. Maybe I’m just supposed to know how to take it all in stride. But right now, in this life, I need something that is mine.
I need to feel like I’m working towards something.
I feel like I have no idea what I’m doing.
I’m scatterbrained and impulsive and flighty. I dream sooo big that I depress myself because some things just cannot be so, no matter how hard you wish it or dream it or want it. I don’t think I have roots, even though I’m the most grounded person I know.

Perhaps I’ve surrounded myself with flighty dreamers.

I call myself a realist.
By realist I mean that I have an abundance of expectations and hopes and ambitions, but I’m scared to death. I am scared that I will fall. That I’ll be ridiculed. That I’m selfish and wrong.

I worry that I simply just want too much and it is like wanting the moon. You long for her and she fools you into thinking she’s all yours, but every other person wants the moon too and not a single one will ever have her.

I have no idea what I’m doing with my life.
But I sure as hell hope I figure it out before regrets catch up with me.

8 Things I Realized After Moving Away From Town

We moved twice in 2016. It was exhausting. While this post is from the first move. It all still holds true. Except our next move was even more fantastic. 

We recently moved from a town where we could see over two dozen houses from the back deck alone, to the country where I can count our neighbors on one hand. I forgot what it was like living in the country after spending over a decade living in various towns.

8 Things I realized after moving out of town and into the country. 

1. When it is dark, it is seriously dark. You can actually see the stars in the country. That’s something that just stopped me in my tracks. You don’t know what you’re missing until you have it back sometimes. You just forget.

2. It’s 11pm and you want to let the dogs out before bed… and it isn’t until you open the door and they’re meandering about in the dark that you stop to realize, raccoons, opossums, skunks, oh my! Anything could be out there waiting in the dark to scare the living shit out of your city slicker dogs who’s only threat has ever been stray cats, bunnies, and loud birds.


3. There are so many different types of birds and they are so numerous you suddenly understand bird watching. Because that’s what you are now, a bird watcher, you’re staring out the window at birds and you don’t have the slightest idea what most of them are.

4. You take shopping very seriously. Forgetting something means driving a lot further to get that which was forgotten. When you leave the house you do as much as you can do while you’re in town because driving back and forth eats up time and gas and you just want to hang out in your new country home.

5. Suddenly you want farm animals. How hard could it be to keep chickens!? Let’s do this!
OMG, I want a baby goat too. I wonder if I could start raising rabbits…

6. The days seem slower for a little while until you get comfortable. Then they certainly feel longer. Maybe that’s the same thing? I don’t think the long day feeling will subside. I certainly hope that it doesn’t. The long days inspire ideas.

7. You realize you’re back where you belong. All those dreams and ambitions you’ve had align perfectly with your new home and this country life.

8. You know you’ll never live in town again.
P.S. – ALL THE GORGEOUS PICTURES!

 

The Badges We Wear

I wear this badge, tucked gently inside my pocket where no one can see it. When I reach my hand in, it is there to remind me, always. Sometimes it taunts me and sometimes it encourages me, but lately it is just there.
You see this badge is called depression and I’d been doing so well for so long. Until it started to creep back in this past winter. It is something I learn to live with while everyone else learns to walk around like a broken sidewalk.
There was a pretty significant trigger I suppose and I never pulled back up from its grasp. But it never let go either. So I remained the same, drained and sad, and waiting for the next go round, the next blow to my ever fragile self that was holding on for dear life.
I’m not winning right now.
But the fact is, I’m not sure I ever was.
I don’t think that depression is something that ever leaves you, I think it just hangs out waiting for a new reason to fill you up with sadness and leave you clinging to life as you thought it was. If you’re lucky enough to remember.
I know what it is to be happy and doing well. I know what it is to forget that there was ever a battle at all. I was doing so well for so long, that I stopped waiting for the edges of that miserable badge to catch on my fingernails and rip them back when I reached in my pocket. I forgot that it was there, waiting. I forgot until it was all consuming.
When I’m sad and hopeless it is hard to remember being happy. It is hard to accept happiness and it is nearly impossible to embrace life, it is easier not to. I forget about the things that truly matter and I’d rather just not think at all. Not about the past, or the present, or the future. Because I’m watching someone else’s story on the tv and it is good enough. I go through life doing the bare minimum of everything, everything.
I’ve never had to try so hard to remember the good parts before in my life. And when I’m happy it is easy to forget being so miserable. I forget to guard myself against my depression.
I know what it is to feel so sad and so helpless that I have suicidal thoughts. I know that it is not logical, I know that I have no reason to feel that way. But when the deep dark parts of my mind consume me, that is just the way that it is. I think that people fail to realize that suicide doesn’t feel like a choice to someone considering it. It looks like a legitimate option. It looks good. I think that when you lose all hope and all logical reasoning, it is the only option you have left. Because you don’t remember anything else. But when suicidal thoughts return, it is like they are reaffirmed in their origin somehow because they are familiar.
Life mantras go from logical thinking uplifting words to get through the tough spots, to grasping desperately for reasons your depression is wrong right now. Mantras start feeling like lies you use to manipulate yourself into living. All the while the deep dark thoughts are telling you how much better everyone else would be without you, when you lose the logic to know this isn’t true, you’ve lost the reason to live.
I imagine this is could be incredibly hard to read.
Imagine how it must feel to move that badge from my pocket to my chest where everyone can see.

Do ya like soup?

Friendships have always been incredibly hard for me.
I’m the kind of friend you call when you want a solution, not when you want sympathy. Although I’ll give sympathy too! Typically women call on women friends to just listen and agree. Women call on man friends and relatives when they want a solution to a problem, practical tangible problems. I get it, really. I’m just rarely the right friend fit and people generally are closer with people they can call when they need advice they seek and want to hear or a listening ear.
I’m very introverted and in the socially awkward stereotypical sense, sorry introverts, I give you all a bad name. I don’t need “girls night”. I don’t need to see my friends up close and personal.
Actually, hold that, I’m not entirely sure I have friends and I’m not sure that I’m a friend to anyone else. If friends typically want to see each other and no one wants to see me… do I have friends?
Thus, this leads me to describing a centerpiece idea for our dining room to my husband.
Who just blinks at me. I realize what’s happening.
Which leads me to say, “I’m sorry, I should be talking about this with one of my friends, but you’re my only friend, so..“.
I don’t know what to do about that.  I should firstly stop torturing my husband. I know that he can’t give me the kind of input I need on that stuff and it isn’t fair. Secondly, I need to establish more friendships…. more on that later.
I know that I’m not an easy person to get to know, but I do believe I’m a good friend so long as people don’t take it personally if I give them a solution to a problem or don’t make it a point to get together frequently. Both of which are complicated and likely equate to being a terrible friend.  I’ve given solutions to problems, when the friend only wanted me to listen. I never meant to, I just thought they wanted solutions! I’ve lost friends this way. I can’t help who I am but I can try and I do! But, no one talks to me about anything that might involve perspective from yours truly now. I don’t do this, jumping to conclusions of solutions thing, anymore. When I’m unsure, I learned to ask, “Do you need me to listen or do you want me to spin some solutions?”. That could be wrong too and maybe that makes them bad friends. If they can’t accept that I miss the social cues and I need to ask “stupid” questions then they aren’t very great friends. Help me help you!
Or maybe, just maybe, people should pick up a damn phone and make a call to a friend. I don’t know how to read expression in written messages, so much slips between the cracks. Maybe that is the real fault in friendships.
A friendship was lost over my unyielding opinion, I’m not going to agree with someone for the sake of saving a friendship. I’m also not tearing down their opinion, just sharing my own. I don’t know how a difference of opinion like that could make or break a friendship. Except that the friendship must not have been very great. My opinions often get me into trouble, many people can’t handle having a different opinion on something than their friend does. Or they wouldn’t consider a friendship with a person who has a conflicting opinion. That has never stopped me from having a friendship with someone.
I believe that some people really are too different to have a good friendship and some people are too toxic to endure. Everyone’s toxicity tolerance is different. I’m probably too toxic for people who like things sugar coated and enjoy a good lie. I understand, I won’t try to be something that I’m not. A person who would want me to change who I am and what I believe to better match their need for friend similarities is toxic to me. I’ve had many toxic friends and friends who brought out the worst in myself. How do I avoid that? Trial and error? That’s exhausting.
People often drift apart as life changes. I think that has been the hardest for me. My friends drift away and I haven’t made new friends.
I suppose I need to figure out what I need from a friend and what I can put into a friendship.
Making new friends…
How do people do that!? 
I feel like a kid picking blueberries. I start out with a nice handful then I eat a few here and a few there. Haha that’s not a great example. I don’t eat my friends. But I seem to just lose them along the way, more like running with a bucket of water.
But still, I’m not a child putting out a want ad for Mary Poppins!
Or maybe I am.
But then I say stupid things like “Do ya like soup?”.
And people likely think I’m incredibly strange.
I think I am incredibly strange, I wonder if people like that in friends or if I’m getting to old to be so awkward.

The lazy-almost-something's Guide to Everything

As promised, here is a reposted blog from two years ago.

The truth is, I have no idea what I want to do with my life.
This blog is dedicated to finding myself in the midst of being many different versions of a person I’m not sure I’ve found yet.
I’m more of a thinker than a doer. I’m full of thoughts and ideas… and words and probably bullshit too. I’m a dreamer and a planner of the future(usually some future for a version of myself that doesn’t even exist). I overthink things and it immobilizes me. I’m an introvert, a Capricorn, and an INTP type. I let premature ideas escape before they’re ready and no one takes me seriously. I don’t blame them though, I wouldn’t either.
I am aspiring for some kind of life that is more simple, I love the idea of living a minimalist life. But I also want my home to feel like granny’s house; I love floral prints and tea sets. I also love cottages and bare wood… ah hem, just go with it.
What might you find here?
Things about food, because I love it so so much. I like healthy food and living a healthy lifestyle. I also like donuts and chicken wings. Parenting satire because I have kids. Probably some stuff about marriage, it’ll be good. My hopes and fears surrounding my position in the home as a stay at home mother & wife. My tried and failed hobbies and aspirations. A long list of shows I’ve watched, because I’ve been meaning to get them all listed so I could see just how much of my life I’m wasting in front of the magic box. Beginner photography.. enough said. You’ll see my spiritual and religious path here too, because it feels like a big part of figuring out who I am. You’ll see my honesty and my inability to sugar coat things. You’ll see all the things I wish that I’d just tell people but instead come home and write about. You’ll learn my faults and my weaknesses. You might even figure out who I am before I do.
R

Tuesday, October 3, 2017

What was I thinking!?

I really should have just kept with this blogging platform rather than straying and trying to start new branches and newer branches.

This one has always made the very most sense to write on.
I think I'll be back here.

So if you're getting a notification that I'm writing again after.... 2 years. I'm back for real. I don't know what I was thinking.

If you want to see what other things I've been working on...
Here are some links to my other blogs
This one is primarily about parenting & special needs. 
Actually that's it for now because I might cross post a few of the better ones. The meaningful ones from my other blogging space.
It'll be better than clicking all over the place.

Until then. 💙💜