Friday, January 9, 2015

Little Dominoes

I've become elusive. You see, I've been struggling lately.
Like big hole, dark place, sadness.
With visiting moments of relief and contentment.
I'm alright, I have some healing to do.
I have improvements to make.
"We were all little dominoes in a cruel joke knock down one and we all fall." - I said that. 
See now, I'm writing this book. This life changing heart crushing book. The quote above from this book, explains it all. When I write I open it all up I live it again, I remember more and it hurts. Like sorrowful pain to the core at times.
I can't do this too often or with too much detail. But when I do, I have to go at it all at once. Allow myself to feel it all and then close up again until I feel strong enough. Strong enough to feel, to remember, to string words together like music or like a mad man pounding on a piano to later come back to and lessen the blows with gentle words and metaphors.

I haven't decided what my intentions are with this writing. If I'll keep it safely tucked away or twist it into something a little more beautiful or a little more cruel. 

 I haven't been able to shake the emotions off yet from this last go of it. I'm hoping for a brighter better day tomorrow. But if I'm not back tomorrow maybe the next day. Perhaps this is an emotional purge, the end of something and the beginning of something new. Perhaps I'm entirely too hopeful that this is going to get easier.
I'll think about some other angles, maybe that will do.

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