2019 Farming Plans

DECEMBER 16, 2018 / RACHEL / EDIT

The first order of business here on the homestead is definitely watching to see when the goats are in heat. Then we will contact our people for breeding! I’m looking forward to some little goat babes and also milk! Getting to the point of having our own fresh milk has been a long time in the making.

We’re getting some rabbits in just a few weeks so we need to get cages and all that set up soon. Rabbits will be breeding for meat. I’m hopeful that it’s not too heartbreaking of a process and it is something that we can stick with. I’m a softy, I love animals. I also love self sufficiency and the low impact raising small animals has on the environment.

I’d like to raise some meat birds as well. We use a lot of chicken and it would really be nice to raise our own. I’m considering also raising some turkeys possibly selling some, but I will have to gauge interest there. And look a little more into our state’s regulations.

I’m thinking about raising some quail for eggs and meat. The eggs are fantastic albeit a little higher in cholesterol than chicken eggs, so if cholesterol is a concern, be aware of nutrition information.

I want to get a couple kunekune pigs to raise, breed, sell/eat. I’ve read that they are a fantastic breed to keep on a small homestead so that’s what its all about!

A small raised garden bed would be awesome and only take an afternoon to get set up! We have a ton of sunlight in the warmer months where we live, which translates to… no trees. haha

Lots of goals and aspirations for the coming year!

I am working on refocusing my mind, my goals,  and life on things that are relevant. It helps me get through these winter months. It gives me something to look forward to and a plan for the coming months.

December 15 2018: Ch'Ch'Changes

Ch’Ch’Changes

DECEMBER 15, 2018 / RACHEL / EDIT

So I’m apparently a master at changing plans. It must be a strong skill set because here we are changing things again. And not changing things we thought we were going to.

We thought we were going to move. Simplify, downsize, but I kind of panicked and there are a lot of reasons we shouldn’t do that right now. There will be plenty of time to change our lives later and it may even be better and more specifically what we want when our kids are grown and we don’t have to take all of their wants and needs into consideration. I’ve wanted to be “off grid” for a while and I’m not saying it can’t be done with children, it absolutely can. But mine are used to on-grid living and our planned move wasn’t going to be off grid because we didn’t want to radically change their lives. Plans change though and before we know it our kids are going to be adults. And maybe we will want to something else entirely. By the time they are grown perhaps I won’t want to necessarily be off grid… depends on my physical ability and a million other things I’m sure.

I had a pretty shit day yesterday. Woke up with a migraine and it just wouldn’t go away. I took medications, breathed in steamy water with essential oils, went outside and let the cool moist air do its thing on my sinuses, drank some coffee, cuddled some dogs. Along the way something finally relieved my head probably a little bit of everything, especially the dog cuddling. But in the process of being absolutely miserable my chickens, ducks, turkey, and goats had to wait until afternoon to get food. Which makes me feel guilty, it makes me feel like I have no business having animals if I cannot get out there to tend to them. Maybe we all have bad days like this… but I feel downright worthless at times when I’m struggling. I tell myself that these things happen and everyone is fine. It makes me wish I had a better feeding and watering system in place so that my animals could go longer but they’d probably just binge eat instead and still be without food. Do animals binge eat? My dogs cannot have access to food at all times. They’ll make themselves sick. But there is another factor… rats. Every winter rats set up their homes near the animal shelters and I really don’t want them having access to food more than they already do. Last year they started stealing eggs. We had to put poison out and that was nerve wracking. I was so worried that the chickens were going to get into it. And now we have naughty goats and I really don’t think poison is an option so they’re just going to have to wait for their daily meal sometimes I guess.

Our goats are old enough and big enough to breed but I cannot for the life of me tell when they are in heat. I’m going to have to pay closer attention every day and figure it out. I’m excited to start getting goat milk, that’s the whole reason we got those naughty little goat girls. They’re not all bad, but they will eat everything which is problematic when it comes to weatherizing coops. They’ve eaten insulation and paneling that was put up to keep them all warmer out there. We’re going to have to get more creative for next winter and probably just use solid boards for the inner walls. Another thing… they stay in the chicken coop instead of the shelter that we built just for them. I guess that will be ok…. we can use the goat barn for milking and kidding.

We have a closed off coop in the animal enclosure. It used to be for the chickens but it was a real pain to get into, to collect eggs so we closed it up when the new one was built. My daughter wants to use it as a play house, the goats get on the roof and scream haha. Maybe it will be a good place to keep some meat birds next year.

We also need to get some rabbit hutches build soon. We are going to be raising meat rabbits and a friend has a few that will be ready to go in about 4 weeks. I have no idea where to set them up at. They can’t be near chickens because they can get coccidosis. Goats are susceptible to coccidosis as well but we have not had any issues. I’m not sure if that means we’ve got healthy chickens or if we’re just lucky. Chickens carry the coccidosis organism in their digestive tracts but do not usually become sick from it. However, since they are carriers other animals are at risk. Coccidosis in rabbits is more severe and you want to limit exposure as much as possible.

Other news, I’m planning to start studying herbalism in the next few months. I’m very excited to start. I’m going to be doing online classes through Chestnut School of Herbal Medicine. There is so much that I don’t know and I want to learn it all the best way possible.

I haven’t been doing any YouTube videos lately. This is definitely a side effect of stress, a lot of things I was doing are now just chilling on the back burner or maybe boiling over. I’m not sure. But I know they are there and when I’m in a better place I’ll get back to it all. I’m glad that I have that freedom and that I have options. Maybe that’s why I struggle so much with everything in my life that I try to do… projects, work, crafty things, selling on etsy… all of it sooner or later gets shoved to the back burner and all that work I put in is really just for nothing because if you aren’t consistent even through horrible depression… I think your dreams just fade away for the most part. Or at the very least people don’t take you seriously, because you’re kind of flaky. I don’t know how other people do it all the time. Maybe they don’t have mental illness, maybe they have different supports in place. I’m just trying to focus right now on getting my mind and soul back into a rhythm that says “this is good, everything is ok” because I’m coming down from stress that has had me in fight or flight mode every time something else popped up.

And its the holidays. When I’m feeling crafty I’ve been crafting cookies instead of digital things. Like these super cute cookies.

My daughters really enjoy helping to decorate them too.

Time Suck Vs. Joy Vs. Is there even a problem?

I get so tired of the time suck known as Facebook.
I know I could end it simply by logging off but I am hesitant. And really it only hurts myself.
I find myself comparing at times and that's not helpful. It would be great if I could keep my business page up and not my personal fb page.... maybe that's something!

Maybe things wouldn't be that much different. I really have a lot of groups and people I enjoy on Facebook I just need to spend less time on it. Maybe that's the key. Just not opening it.
I'm going to try that first I think.

Then I don't have to give up the good parts.


I'm just having a hard time right now I think and I have a tendency to close myself off from people entirely. I'm like a caterpillar making a cocoon. But I don't think I end up turning into a butterfly or being better off for it. Possibly worse.
Maybe that's why I want to run away from Facebook.

I feel pretty isolated already. Why not delete it all? That's kind of the mentality I think.
I don't want to feel this way but its like... if I must then fuck it I'm all in I suppose. Maybe that's my deep dark depression trying to take root. It doesn't really feel that way. I think I'm just adjusting to life now and its busy and hard and things are going to change again and be full of all kinds of things that have to be done and tended to.

I'm feeling tired before the work has begun. I feel lonesome in anticipation of the long days and nights and time alone. I feel exhausted mentally at the stresses and I'm fighting this overwhelming urge to go through the house boxing and bagging and throwing things out.

But when I tired to go through a shelf today I couldn't find anything to get rid of.
Nothing. So I think I have a problem, or maybe the house isn't the problem but I'm trying to make it the problem somehow.

I have no idea. I think I might be a crazy person.  

I'm restless.

I need a project.

I need to shut off my brain and watch tv or something.

Ramblings & Bullshit

There always seems to be this inner turmoil that I carry around. Lately I just feel like I should have done more in my life. I should have had a career or an accomplishment or something of some kind of measurable success. I should have developed a skill in all my time as a stay at home mom. But I'm too busy bouncing from one thing to another. I do a little bit of a lot of different things.

This is a reoccurring feeling. I know I've probably whined about it before... maybe even in my last post.

I knit, sew, do needlepoint, take pictures, write, collect vintage things(that I sometimes sell).
I cook and bake usually out of necessity but sometimes for pleasure. I do a lot of lame things too like clean and organize. I like to read. But I'm not like a book critic or anything. And when I write I am absolutely 100% sure that I'm not doing so correctly when it comes to grammar, punctuation, etc.(other things I don't even know the words for).
I'd like to one day write a book but I worry that my actual writing skills are so bad that I'd have to just stick to childrens books. Which is actually what I want to write first at least so there is that.
Keep it simple Rachel, just like you. Derp.

I am homeschooling one of the kids again, the youngest, not to worry no big hard english rules to teach yet. I'm relieved too, trust me.

I guess I really don't do all that much but I am good at spreading myself thin. I have been thinking about taking a break from facebook. It eats up so much time. Maybe I will start by deleting the app from my phone and see if that's enough without going completely off the rails and deleting it. Because it is a good way to stay connected with people. Not that I like people or being connected or going to parties or anything of that sort. 

Its just, not easy for people to constantly stay in contact and facebook is a nice way to let people know what you're up to who actually care to check in on you. I know there are a lot of people who's photos and posts and such I really do love seeing! I like knowing what is going on in their lives. I like celebrating with my friends. I cannot expect them all to message me personally. And I certainly do not want to be reaching out like that either. Not that I'd have anything to share except animal things maybe? I have no idea this is a rambling of nonsense. I'm bad at blogging now too. Yay go me!

I worry a lot about a lot of things. And we're in the beginning steps of huge life changes. The next year is going to be wild! So much change, work, more work, stress. Did I mention work?
Yeah it is going to be like that and there is no way around it. You just cannot expect that what you want in life is going to come easy. That is not the way that it goes. It takes time, work, dedication, discipline, and probably sweat, tears and blood. We definitely need to put a few hundred dollars in the savings account for medical emergencies because something will inevitably happen and we'll need that ER copay money.

Ok.... this is enough. 

Life Intentional

I’ve had this ideal of life in my mind for some time. This aspiring goal I guess of who I want to be and how I want to live but in reality I haven’t done nearly enough to make the ideal a real thing that is happening in my life.

Small steps have been made and that’s well and good but I need big changes too.

Sometimes I think back to when we didn’t have home internet. It was harder in some ways, like I wouldn’t be writing this for example. But it was also easier in other ways and it made my days more productive. I wish that I could unplug easier sometimes but now I we have this dependence and it is almost suffocating at times to be completely honest.

I’m going to try to unplug more. Fill my days with more productivity. Get more sleep, binge netflix a little less and hopefully it won’t be miserably hard to get my children on board with a little less screen time. I know it couldn’t hurt.

Who knows maybe my ideal life just is not going to happen for me.

I had this dream once and in it I was living my life completely unencumbered by distractions. I want to live more intentionally. I have to I think my soul needs it.

I don’t thrive in chaos. And life just seems like chaos anymore. Maybe that’s the natural flow of things maybe that’s how things generally are buy are we not the captains here? Are we not the ones paving our paths? We cannot control everything, but we can influence. We have the freedom to make our own choices. To say no, and know when enough is enough and I’m sooooo totally getting there.

I am a natural worrier. Don’t even get me started because I could give you a list as long as this post about things to worry about. I cannot afford to take on other people’s stresses and worries too. I just can’t, I have to know when enough is enough because I absorb it all and can’t let it go. This contributes to my exhausted feelings.

I cannot give away more of myself to others and outside influences than I even possess to be able to build my own life up the way that I want it to be. I can’t, I have to know when enough is enough. It’s hard because I care so damn much. But who gives a shit about me?

No one because real world problems are pretty much zilch for me and I am so grateful. SO SO grateful. Its all philosophical shit, emotional, its deep in the foundational cracks. There isn’t an issue, its just that I want to be truer to who I am. This is what I need.

And a platform to ramble obviously since I’m apparently pretty good at it.

But I need to organize my thoughts and these ideals in my mind and figure out what I am actually capable of doing. If I can be the person that is in my mind.