Monday, December 31, 2012

Gluten Information For YOU

Here are some simple links to more information about wheat allergy, gluten intolerance, and celiac disease.

Wheat allergy information, Click Here.

Gluten sensitivity information, Click Here.

Celiac Disease information, Click Here.

Some other reads:

Gluten Free Diet Information and Charts

Because People Won't Understand

And Recipes!

Rice Pasta!

More information coming soon!

P.S. "Fad Diets" of being Gluten Free piss me off, people do not understand it at all. This is an entirely new lifestyle for someone who is unable to eat gluten for whatever reason. Don't be a jackass. And DO NOT tell someone that they are "lucky" that they can't eat gluten. Seriously? LUCKY?!? You my friend, are an idiot if you think this. Imagine not being able to eat pancakes, macaroni and cheese, cookies, cake, pasta, bread. Unless of course you pay lots of money and like the "weird tasting" alternatives. Just... don't tell someone they are lucky because they cannot eat wheat.

Limiting gluten for health reasons on the other hand is awesome. Gluten is bad for everyone.

Friday, December 7, 2012

Words from this Crazy Lady to a Friend

One of my friends is having a down and unmotivated day.
She was feeling overwhelmed with all that mom stuff that has to be done.
I told her: 

~Don't focus on what you think you *should* be doing. J
ust do whatever you do and reflect about it later.
Don't tell yourself "I should do laundry" or "I should be cleaning the _____"
What you're doing is creating negative feelings.
Just think back to all the "should's" and tell them all to fuck off and you're doing what you WANT to do today. Do laundry if you WANT to...or do it without thinking. 
I have been making myself just do things, go through the motions, not thinking about it. I didn't vacuum for almost 2 weeks.... lol because every time I started thinking about vacuuming I was getting the "should" feeling and felt angry and pathetic.
So I vacuumed when I could walk up to the vacuum and just do it.
Not everything works like that.. but there are a lot of things that you can put off until your frame of mind is in a better place with it.
I had actually noticed that my negative feelings were affecting the kids most when I was running on high and taking care of all the things that I *should* take care of.
I was getting resentful and irritable. I started bitching at the kids and told them, "I have to do (and named of a dozen things)" which made them feel negatively and it was all just a big ball of sad stuff. So my carpets are no longer getting scrubbed endlessly. The dishes WILL wait till morning. The oven WILL be crusty. And I WILL be happier.~ 

Don't judge... you couldn't even tell I hadn't vacuumed... no idea how that actually worked out but it did. 

Friday, November 30, 2012

Realization and Acceptance

It has been a while. I have not been writing here, or anywhere for weeks.
I have been trying to sort through things.
Trying to take it all in without cracking. Let me tell you, it's not easy.

I am realizing a lot of things about myself. With that I am really working hard on sifting through it, I guess I am processing myself.
I have to accept myself now. I have to accept all the little things I dislike or they will chew me up and spit me out. I have to accept that that I am NOT like this person or that person. That I may never be even close to who I really want to be but that being me is ok. I have been chasing "normal" for a very long time and always falling short.
I have to embrace who I am and make the best of it.
No more fake smiles because I am not kidding anyone anyways! I need to accept this and I need to take small steps toward improvements. Because sitting around wishing for things is like digging a bigger hole of self pity and it is plenty deep enough. 

As I walk along this untamed path please be understanding.

Monday, November 5, 2012

Invisibly Scattered

Can't you see I'm crawling, and scratching at the seams? 
Can't you see I'm crying out with silent dying screams? 
Can't you see I'm crumbling and crashing from the start? 
Can't you see I'm struggling and falling fast apart? 
Can't you see I'm dying here with all these broken dreams? 
Can't you see I'm trying to mend the broken screams? 
Can't you see I'm falling down, again and again? 

Can't you see I'm scattered here and twitching from within? 

Can't you see I'm broken and crying out for help? 

You can't see it because on the outside,
I'm smiling just like this. 


Sometimes, that which you cannot see is what is the most real aspect of life to someone else.

Friday, November 2, 2012

Elimination: Fears

I want to conquor my fears. All of them (and I have a lot). I feel that if I can eliminate my fears I will be in better control of my life and how I feel. I can better control my anxieties if I eliminate them or at the very least educate myself.
I am trying and I will succeed, sooner or later.

I am scared of guns currently, always have been and I'm more comfortable kicking someones ass than shooting them, especially since even in self defense, shooting people isn't cool. lol
That's probably what I would tell a police officer if asked "Why did to kick this person in the face?"
"Because shooting people isn't cool."

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Confessions of the Damaged and Broken

          Through the years, choices, and mistakes I became broken. Just a fragment in every area of who I once was and would again like to be.
          I was ensured that I wasn't good enough by many. Sometimes I even looked for it from people I knew could never accept who I really am.
          I was left with feelings of such abandonment that I craved death.
          My confidence is lacking. And maybe it is now that I need to say that your words hurt me. From elementary school to high-school kids were just plain mean. Some picked on  me for anything from my name to my shoes to the generic foods "poor people foods" in my packed lunches. Some told lies. Some wished death upon me. I was called names. I don't recall having many good lasting friendships with anyone.
          I was once told that I lost the fire in my eyes. I will never forget. Especially that crushing feeling of knowing it was true. I feel like I have been chasing that same fire for years and only growing further away. It's a sorry-sad feeling, full of desperation and hints of hope, false hope that is.
          Maybe it was the physical abuse I endured. Or maybe it was my own emotional issues but I will never again feel like I once did. Or trust people completely. A complement always feels two-sided. Smiles make me uncomfortable.
          The last time a man raised his hand to me I fought back with a rage so pure to hatred that I think I unlocked something very close to demonic. Maybe that is what happens to someone who has carried around too much negativity all their life. Maybe all those years of school torture, family problems, and failed relationships finally unlocked some part of me that was ready to dish out an ass-whooping. So that's what I did. Part of me longs to feel this rage toward someone again. Part of me wants to start problems with others so that I might get the chance to let it out again. Rage is the only emotional reaction that feels productive sometimes but it is always out of my reach, always taunting me.
          I am still haunted by things like this. Some of the choices and mistakes I have made do it too. Other people's mistakes and harsh words that have influenced me still weigh me down.
          I don't hold a grudge. But I remember everything. Every dumb lie someone told me. Every insult. Every time I was made to feel like an insignificant speck in the life of someone else. I remember all of the things I did to hurt other people, intentionally or not. I carry it with me and it has all shaped me into who I am. But I do not like it. Why can't I just learn the lesson and not feel guilty? Maybe I need to apologize to those who I can. Perhaps closure is the key to my emotional freedom. Maybe it is how I will get the fire back in my eyes. I need to forgive those who hurt me and apologize to the people I hurt.
                             I want to be free of this forever! 

Saturday, October 20, 2012

Food is Everything!

It was recently brought to my attention that some people do not teach their children how to cook. 
       Cooking with your children is really something you need to start doing from an early age that way your child accepts it as something they need to know, like riding a bike and reading. When you introduce your children early on to kitchen things they will will continue to acknowledge your tips and techniques all through their childhood and teen years.  
       In my mind I feel that this goes back to previous posts I have written about giving your children the tools necessary to succeed in life. Why wouldn't you teach your children to cook? You teach them to do other things right? How I see it, you are what you eat and it is so important to be a peach. Okay, maybe not a peach but at least be something you can pronounce most of the time! If you do not teach your children how to cook, select food and allow them to learn through your own examples they may not make very good food choices when they grow up. 

Food is everything. Food is what makes us strong, nourishes our bones, hydrates our organs, and lessens the risks of certain cancers. Food is also what contributes to obesity, poor growth, worsens illnesses, causes digestive problems, cancer, and poor sleeping habits. You have the good with the bad and as a parent it is your responsibility to be healthy for your children. To show them how you care for yourself and to teach them the same habits. Do you want your kids to grow up to be overweight or develop colon cancer or do you want your children to grow up with lower risks of having cancer and osteoporosis?
Maybe I am a bit extreme and maybe I take it too far. Perhaps, my children will grow up and leave the nest and binge on soda and pizza and perservative filled desserts that come in a box. That's their choice, I won't like it but if that is what they choose to do after an upbringing of healthy eating and good foods... they'll fast learn that mommy knows best.
All this talk of food made me hungry. A hard boiled egg, yogurt, and a glass of water. Really... I'll show you...

       So there you have my middle of the night snack time. For tonight anyway, some nights are not so healthy. I must admit after purchasing the yogurt I read the label... artificial sweetener... really!? Why is that even necessary? I have made homemade yogurt; I didn't even add sugar to it. It's not necessary! I won't be buying that again.

       I have to get creative these days with gluten being 100% evil. I slip up a lot but I really am trying and I think that's probably the most important thing. If you try, your children will try to. If you burn something, let them know that it happens to the best of us. Eliminate their fears by not being perfect at what you're teaching them. Many children and teenagers are scared to try new things because of the fear of failure. Reassure them, that if they burn something or add the wrong seasoning, it is not the end all of their cooking career. It is a lesson learned. Tell them a story of something you made when you were just starting that ended in disaster.

Remember to have fun and, food is EVERYTHING, but not everything is food.
No eating tv-watching puppies!

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Confessions & Thoughts of a Guilty Meat Eater

Today I was disturbed by a photo of some animals. First they were all happy in green grass. Cows, Chicks, Pigs. Followed by the reality of what their living conditions are really like. Ending with photos of mass slaughtering.

I have issues with meat and I try my hardest not to think about it, where it comes from, and the truth of what makes Jello, Jello.
I am speaking from a place where if I am standing in the grocery store with my last $20 bill. I would get vegetables, fruits, and grains. A man would probably buy meat and at the price of meat... wouldn't have very much food to eat over the next couple of days.
So now what I am saying is that the economy is pretty harsh and with the cost of food you would think that more people would eat less meat than they do. But that's not the case it seems. I can see that people would eat more fatty cuts of meat that are less expensive. You know, fatty red meat that is more likely to clog arteries, contribute to obesity, and lead to cancer. Regular ground beef is the cheapest kind of meat you can come across. But did you know that they add chemicals to your meat because its filthy? Because if they don't then the instances of meat related sickness would be far more frequent.

I eat meat. I don't like that I eat it but I do. I would eat less but this gluten free stuff is kinda hard on me so I've been chowing down on chickens a lot. I guess this could be something I would like to do less of in the future. Maybe it will be a goal?
I did the whole vegetarian thing a while back... a year ago actually and I felt amazing but was not entirely convinced it was a good idea.

I guess the point of this post, is that when I allow myself to think about it eating meat makes me feel bad, sad, and guilty.
How can something that makes you feel so badly be good for you? I'm trying to sift through this one.

Do you think about where your food comes from? Do you feel any certain way about it? 

Those "Two Chicks In A Hot Tub" were neglected by my tummy... the chest cavity was tiny tiny small... like abused obese chickens would be. 

Monday, October 8, 2012

Two Chicks In a Hot Tub

Bahahaha Made ya look! 

Chore System Part 3

Chore System is finally completed! 

Painted the outside.

Here is the finished product! 

I think it's pretty cool myself!

For parts one and two simply click:

And have a great day! 

I wish I was her...

Here I sit at home alone feeling guilty. How can I "enjoy the alone time" when I feel this way. I'll tell you exactly why.....

I feel guilty because I am not the person I wish that I was. I cannot force myself to be her.
As a result I feel like I am missing out. But there is not one single reason worth making my entire family miserable by my presence.

I am at home in a warm house sipping a latte that was probably bought in an attempt to butter me up and bribe me to go to the park with my children. Why the hell can't I just do that?!

It's fucking cold that's why! I am IN the warm house and my fingers hurt, they are stiff. And I can hardly use a pen; it looks like a damn 12 year old's hand writing.
Why do I feel that I am being bribed to go to the park with my own kids. And when I am told "it's ok" it feels like a big fat lie. Because I know it's not ok. I should be willing to go do these things. I should endure whatever it takes, put a smile on my face and go.

I regret that I am not the person that I feel everyone needs me to be. I'm not even close most days.
Mostly, I am feeling sorry for not being the person I feel that my family deserves. I don't feel that I can be her while we are here.

I don't like freezing, I don't like sweating, and we're locked down in stupid fucking Pennsylvania with its stupid weather until we die!

That's how I feel today.

Saturday, October 6, 2012

Chore System Part 2

Hello! I am back with more on this chore system I have been working on!

Dry erase board into chalkboard, and chores organized color coded, and printed onto cardstock.
Here is Part One if you missed it.

Part Two!

I carefully cut out all of my chores and I put sticky magnets onto the backs.
For now they are hanging out on the refrigerator because the board is not ready for use until tomorrow.

Now I will be working on how rewards will work. And I still need to paint the frame of the chore board.

Part 3!

I also need to make some more soap, but that's totally unrelated. :)
So are the following photos! My kids and I made a tissue paper pumpkin. It's pretty cool.

 It's Pumpkin time again!!!!

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Chore System Part 1

I have been working on a little project that's been days in the making. 

Now I am in the action stages! 
Here, I'll show you.... 
 Old worn out dry erase board that I have had for years that was given to me by a friend who got it along side the curb for trash pick up. Yet again being UPcycled! I love it! Well I really don't like it because it doesn't work so well anymore. So, it has become.... a chalkboard as of today....
While it is not finished and this is a slightly wet chalk board photo... with sloppy edges because I didn't feel like buying tape... it is in the middle stages now and look forward to seeing a paint trim or fabric trim in upcoming photos. YAY! Excited!
[I managed to get paint on my leg and in my hair. Special! haha] 

The entire point of this you ask? 

Oh yes... there it is... 

You see, it is a magnetic dry erase board, and the chalkboard paint was just a pretty after thought (old marks stained the board permanently). 
I am using cardstock backed with magnets for kids chores and basic things they need to do, remember, and live by. The dry erase board turned chalkboard will be sectioned off and each of my children will be assigned   specific chores each day.

I don't yet know how I will designate rewards. But I have those lists made up for each child and waiting to go to the printer. 

A lot of the chores and things I have waiting to be cut and magnetized are things that will be learning experiences for my older two children. 

I have been, thus far, the kind of mother who just does everything possible for my children because I don't realize that they are growing up and able to do some things on their own now. I know that my oldest child has the ability to learn how to make himself a simple snack and he's been helping me with taking out the trash and recycling.
But it is now my turn to say something like, "Hey kids, this is what I am asking you to do, and I will ask you to do this on a regular basis and you will be praised for your help and hard work and you will earn rewards. However, you will not do these chores because you are bribed and you will not be given money for your chores or candy. Rewards will not be held over your head as an incentive. This is called being a family and being actively involved. If you want to work as a team so we can have fun and do activities and make memories lets get to work!" 

Some of my "chores" are more like fun things and making sure that each child can say "Ok, it's my turn to use my purple card!". Purple = attention cards(although it looks pink in the picture).

The ones on the speckled tan colored cardstock are morals and rules. They will be on the fridge unless one child is in need of a reminder then it will get put under that kid's regular chores. I can think of one child who needs to really work on the "no begging" rule. 

I will be posting some printables once I figure out how to do that. 

Will be posting back here again with Part 2!     

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

No Titty-Flopping Allowed!

I am pretty sure that I was brought into this world to indulge in t-shirts and blue jeans and not much more.

My general style is simple. Gimme a nice pair of running shoes or flip flops and I am a happy-happy girl. Hair tie into a pony tail... even better, now add a basic pair of jeans a solid t-shirt and a little eye liner... that's me. That's just WHO I AM. Ya know, if I were to define myself by clothing.

I don't get all caught  up in "waist belts", scarves, jewelry, layering clothing, matching earrings, sunglasses, belts, fancy shoes, suntans or fake nails. You're looking at the girl who owns ONE purse that she has carried around for 2 years.

I see all these women wearing stylish clothing, things that coordinate and they look nice. I can't help but feel jealous but at the same time, that is not who I am. I am not a perfectly coordinated outfit. I am a blue jeans and cotton T kinda gal, who hates pissing around with her hair and make up. I rarely paint my nails.

I cannot help but wonder if I am abnormal. If there is something wrong with me. But I see those things and all I can think about is the cost it would take for me to look "like that".
And who would I be wearing these clothes for? Other people! That's who!

As long as I am clean and not titty-flopping around my boyfriend is probably content with how I look. I do dress it up a little when we go out. But... I prefer to just be me. Then when I am looking at someone who is not me, or I am around people who wear nice clothing when they're just lounging around at home, I feel wrong.

It makes me insecure. Should I have more "style" or should I just accept myself for who I am?

Acceptance is the most logical choice I think. Though I would really like to get myself back into those leggings I "outgrew" last winter. I love leggings and leg warmers and BOOTS. I need to learn to walk in fancy heels. I guess that could be a fashion goal as long as I can keep the leg warmers!

Well, to finish this up... here is how I look today. Eyeliner = only make up. Hair spray to cut out some of the frizz and hold curls(my hair is permed because, I hate doing my hair). T-shirt, jeans, running shoes.
I am feeling exceptionally good about how I look in that second picture. I am feeling "better" about myself( I have been moving my muscles around consistently lately= exercise). Even though I despise the amount of space between my shoulders and my itty bitties most days, I find that the right bra, with the right t-shirt is essential. Freaking ridiculous!

So basically, it's not that I DON'T care about how I look. It's just that, I don't care what anyone else thinks, I like to be comfortable and I just gotta accept that I am a comfort loving stay at home mom who doesn't want to buy nice clothes so that kids can wipe boogers on them.

Being Three and Cute as Can Be!

My littlest child stands near me, playing with little bottles of acrylic paints she snagged from my crafty things. She is singing and playing and making them talk to each other... like toys.
And so I say to her "Why don't you go play with your pet shops?"
 "No, they're mean." She tells me.
I responded with "They are mean? Why?"
Simply put she tells me "They poop on me."

She makes me smile.

Like last night, Daddy says to her "Can I pick your nose?"
And she tells him, "No, your fing-ar* is bigg-ar*."
He reasons a little. And she tells him "You pick your own nose!"
We all had a good laugh.

This one is very outspoken and is quite the clown at times.

Friday, September 28, 2012

Pictures of food!

My most favorite dinner ever, this is why I make it at random year round. 

Pumpkin pie.. hits the spot doesn't it?

Hello again massive amounts gluten! 

Ham Scrambler Cups + Cheese 

I love me some sweet potato fries with sour cream. 

Look at that chicken just taking a nap on top of a cushy bed of lettuce and spinach covered in a blanked of dressing and feta cheese(ok so maybe I took it a little far lol). 

I even amaze myself sometimes. 

Roma & Jarvis; Humor with Photo Fun!

Sorry mom, I blinked. - Roma 

Oops did I just blink?!- Jarvis


You can hardly blame me!

This beautiful creation was my dinner tonight. 
Diced tomatoes(from a can with green pepper celery onion and spices), marinated artichokes(from a jar, see my pattern here?), pasta(not gluten free), cheapo-parmesan cheese.... YUM I tell you YUM!

Sometimes I can't help but feel proud when I cheat on my GF diet for something as simple yet delicious as this.

Such a wonderful way to punish myself later. :)

Thursday, September 27, 2012

P.S. !!!

I will be starting a new blog in the not so distant future. It will be completely on topic (mostly).

Stay tuned, I'm not ready quite yet!


Wanna boost it? 

Eat several small meals every day.

Drink coffee! (YAY!) It burns calories easier!

Drink more water.

Move more. Fidgeting burns calories.

Sleep more. If you don't get enough sleep it can slow your metabolism.

5-7 servings of fruits a vegetables.


Eat foods rich in fiber!

Money Saving Tips

Ways to cut back and save money

Buy generic products when possible.
            Shop and low price stores
            Thrift Stores
            Yard Sales

Coupons & Discount Cards!
            Sunday Paper & Online Printables
            Sign up for savings at local stores and pharmacies
            Watch for double coupon days!

Make things at home!
            Food - Lunches
            Fix what you already have!

Go to the library
            It is cheaper and sometimes even free to check out a book
            Some libraries have educational movies for kids!

Be aware of Transportation Costs
            Make all stops while you are out
            Fuel savings on purchases made through certain stores saves money too!

Be Content!
            It is easier to save when you are happy with what you already have!
            As yourself if you REALLY need that item before you buy it.            
            Where will it be in one year?

            Unplug what you're not using.
            Talk to utility companies about ways they can help you save.
            Shop around for the best rates.
            Try a set payment on utilities like propane or natural gas.
                        -Your bill will be the same all year and more manageable!
            Pay bills on time to avoid late fees.

Make a Budget
            Give yourself a spending allowance to carry in cash.
                        -You see it and spend it slower than if you are just swiping plastic.
            Know how much is coming in and how much is going out.
                        -The "ebb and flow" of your banking account.

            Make a shopping list and buy no extras
            Buy meat in bulk
            Have one vegetarian meal a week (if meat is your thing)


I found these tips in my "me folder" of random things when I was cleaning up. I just wanted to share and maybe help someone else, feel free to add your own tips in the comments area! 

Religious Research

          I have been doing research on different religions, not for myself but for my oldest child(and the younger two to some extent).
          My son speaks about God and Jesus in Christian terms only through information that was given to him by relatives and attending church a few times. My oldest daughter is getting the idea of Christianity as well now.
          It was at the point when my son informed me, "If you don't believe in God, you'll go to hell" that I came to the realization that I have not been doing my part in religious teaching.
          You see I do not believe that there is a Hell. I do not believe that you should put faith and fear into things like that. It is not healthy and quite honestly, it is terrifying and especially to a child. I remember being young and being told in Sunday school that you had to believe in God and Jesus and if you didn't then you would burn in Hell for all eternity. I never believed that such a horrible place could exist for decent people who don't know what they believe in. The only response I could give to my son was, "Yes, that is what Christians believe."
          I never talk about what I believe, it is personal and should not be aired out in my opinion for all to see and judge. So I will not tell you today what it is that I believe in but I will tell you what I am going to teach to my children.
          I have summarized beliefs on Buddhism, Christianity, Hinduism, Islam, Jehovah's Witnesses, Judaism, Neo-Paganism/Wicca, Primal Indigenous, and Sikhism.  Some were easy and some were more difficult. Some were even hard for me to fully understand myself but it is important that I do. Which makes me think of Gandhi, who said "Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it."
          I wish that someone would have taken the time to teach me about different religions instead of just trying to make me believe what they believed because they were biased. Ultimately, what my children grow up to believe in is completely up to them and I will not think them wrong for what they believe in even if it is not what I believe. I just want to make sure that they are educated early and do not feel the need to ever judge someone else for believing in that which they do not understand.
          Part of being a parent is giving your children the tools necessary to live up the their full potential as human beings. It is no one's responsibility but your own to see to it that your children are given those tools. Who they are is completely their own choice but you will know that you did everything you were supposed to do while they were in your care and under your wing. 

Monday, September 24, 2012

"Loners" Need People Too

I hate that I am such a horrible friend.
I lack the capacity to make friends and keep them. I get it, I don't blame anyone. I wouldn't be friends with me either. But when I need a friend, I know that I don't really have them and I don't really deserve them anyway.

I don't know how to react to complaining/issues/problems and usually I just try to fix or help others fix the problem they are having before even considering they might just want to complain about it (and have me listen). I have been an awful friend to the people in my life. And I barely talk to family. I don't know how to form all of those relationships with people so I avoid them because I don't want to screw up. But in the end that is exactly what I am doing, screwing up.
Fear prevents me from trying and my inability to be understanding and empathetic without letting others problems consume me messes up any chance of friendships and good positive relationships.

I don't feel like I have the normal relationships that others have with their friends, neighbors, grandmothers, fathers, etc. I feel absolutely secluded. And it is when I am feeling alone and vulnerable that I know I am the only one at fault. 
I take it personally when Bryon thinks I can just call someone up and have a friend to go do whatever with. I find it upsetting that I can't talk to him about how this feels but when it comes right down to it... I don't really want to.
Nothing like running to the bathroom to cry
 over something that doesn't fucking exist anyway, relationships are an illusion. I hid behind a door to hide from the one person who has always been a friend, who has always been there and who has helped me through some of the hardest things in my life. I don't want him to know how very weak I feel over this.  

Saturday, September 22, 2012

That Same Friday Night... Gluten Things

I blogged this LAST WEEK, and forgot about it not posting and it was all saved in a document waiting for me, I post it now.

I have been trying to adjust to this gluten intolerance (or whatever it is) crap but I am really finding it to be far too easy to not follow the diet the way that I need to be. I am also feeling like my lactose intolerance (which is off and on for some odd reason?) is just around the corner again. This makes me sooo nervous. Taking away all forms of lactose containing milk is a nightmare add gluten to that and I'm pretty sure that chickens will be running for the hills clucking away terrified. Because, when it comes right down to it, I'll be all ravenous for chickens and rice. Just the thought of chicken and rice makes me smile. You can do so many things with the two that it almost makes you forget that you're "restricted" from other things.
          THEN just when you are content and going about your own way minding your own business with a belly full of chicken and rice, you see a sandwich... and someone is just stuffing it all in their face hole like NOM NOM. And you start drewling and convince yourself that you can have a sandwich too! Then you tell yourself that "it's not that bad" and "its only one". Before you know it you're spiraling out of control and a week has passed and you're still telling yourself. It's OK!!! IT'S ONLY ONE, DAMNIT!
          But no, really. One gluten containing food has a high likelihood of leading to mouth sores for me, headaches, body/joint pain, and swollen lymph nodes in my neck/jaw (that last one is after about 5-7 days of eating small amounts of gluten). Then I'm basically feeling like I am dying from a flu bug.
          Needless to say. I had a bad week! I need to try harder. Part of me is still in denial. I actually tried to convince myself that it was "in my head". I ended up very miserable and very depressed over it.
          I cannot even attend a simple cookout without eating before I leave the house. I know, that chances are, I will not be able to eat more than a few potato chips and if I am really lucky they might have fruit salad. Usually I try to take a gluten free dish if the function allows for things to be brought.

Side Note: I have had a horrible time with posting and writing blogs today. I can only assume there must be a bunch of boring Friday night bloggers out there just like me. I will let it go this time.. but next time, you better watch your back! 

Friday, September 21, 2012

Mum you're neurotic again!

So I am rummaging through the toys strewn through Gavin's closet in an attempt to assist with bedroom cleaning....

Gavin - that's not necessary
Me -yes it is, it's part of the system!
Gavin - there was no system *giggle & grin*
Pictured during the realization that his mother is a weirdo with a "system" 
He seriously had me laughing so hard ... I love this kid. Poor thing probably knows me better than most people do, *mom's getting neurotic again!* 

Friday, September 14, 2012

One Friday Night

Its a Friday evening and I am either severely domesticated or strikingly bored. I found myself rug scrubbing the carpeting and then the furniture, washing laundry, and dancing + karaoke with the kids.
Its amazing how fast the spots on the carpet reproduce! It's like there is this queen ant of carpet stains hiding somewhere popping out little baby ant stains left and right, damn her!
Anyways, the floors look amazing, ya know, just so the kids and pets can mark it all up again. A mother's work is never done! 

Tidbits Of Domestication

Its a Friday evening and I am either severely domesticated or strikingly bored. I found myself rug scrubbing the carpeting and then the furniture, washing laundry, and dancing + karaoke with the kids.
Its amazing how fast the spots on the carpet reproduce! It's like there is this queen ant of carpet stains hiding somewhere popping out little baby ant stains left and right, damn her!
Anyways, the floors look amazing, ya know, just so the kids and pets can mark it all up again. A mother's work is never done! 

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Simplifying Spaces

I started my day like any other, coffee. It was directly after this I was abruptly reminded of the messes the kids make the excess of toys and how I need to make them listen and clean their crap up.
I wasn't too thrilled to be starting my day with a list of complaints and I moved on drank my coffee cooked breakfast and went about my morning as usual really. Feeling quite annoyed with everyone at the same time mind you.
I was upset that my children pretty much refuse to follow directions, orders, or requests of any kind. I was upset that I was practically being scolded for their lack of listening. But I refused to allow myself to become upset over it too much or too angry at any one person. I accept partial responsibility and I acknowledge what needs to change.
So when my dear boyfriend left for work I made a cup of coffee and decided to pack up the majority of my kids toys.
Most of my brilliant ideas are thought up over a sweet cup of coffee.
I let the kids keep their favorite toys and their newest toys. I moved all educational toys and artsy toys to the office and I cleaned out their closests. I did recruit my children to help me and they did so pretty well.
They are thrilled to have less toys. When my son told me that his room was awesome and thanked me I smiled and said "less is more". I don't know that he understood but he smiled back and went back into his room to play.
But even with bins and boxes around me I could feel the tension dissipating from their rooms.
I am hoping this makes it a little easier for everyone.
The extra bins are headed for the attic, just as soon as I finish my coffee!

Friday, September 7, 2012

Holy Freaking Weird

So I am sitting eating dinner and a memory comes to mind.
I could see and smell and taste a certain food. It is gooey and sweet, and semi-solid.
Then it dawns on me "this is an Egyptian dessert... I remember learning about it in school". Just through general study of culture, food, etc.
I am sitting there remembering and I can literally taste it in my mouth! However, I'm not sure if this is a real memory or not. Maybe the teacher brought in some for us to try?

Anyways... however this memory came to me... I remember eating Basbousa.(I did my research on what it actually is.)

I am however bothered by the entire concept of eating something, and remembering I ate it but not remembering where or even when it happened.
For all I know... this could be someone else's memory.

For more information about my Basbousa the following link provides some information and pictures.

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Nourishing Your Child's Talents & Strengths

Lately I have been trying to zero in on my kids natural talents, interests, and things I can gently encourage them to try out.

My son is the oldest and our only boy. He is also my biggest critic when it comes to food. I know that if I taste the meal I just prepared and think "Ehh this could be better." or "The chicken is too dry." he will blurt it out too. He has a sense! Instead of just eating what his mommy makes he has to first tell me what he likes and what he doesn't like and he usually tells me why he feels that way. There are days when I put his meal on the table and tell him "Gavin, I know it sucks but that's what I made." Gavin is also a little book worm these days ( a past time his father and I both enjoy when the book is right ). He's also highly coordinated with backyard sports. We'll see where that goes I am sure!

My oldest daughter is forever singing. She absolutely loves to sing, she likes to dance too. She's pretty awesome. Just today she came home singing a song perfectly that she learned in school. Her big brother said it made him want to cry. I am overjoyed that I have one musical child, possibly two... I am looking into putting Cambria into music lessons or dance next school year. She just started kindergarten, so I don't want to put too much on her plate too fast. She is equally brilliant at both singing and dancing. I should also tell you that while she asks some of the strangest things I have ever heard a 5 year old ask, she is very smart and eager to learn.

My youngest child, Arayla is the artist, the forever talking coloring on walls and furniture artist! She loves drawing and painting and she sings. Sometimes at the same time. Some of the notes that come from her mouth amaze me. She's still young, I know this. But I think she'll have the singing gift as well. Plus... ever since she was little, like barely walking, she has been insanely flexible and if my gut (pun intended) is right, I think she's going to be the athletic child(I am not athletic by any means aside from the fact that my body type is naturally athletic when I allow it to be). Did I mention she is fearless?! Strangest thing I have ever seen in my life! The only thing she seems to be afraid of are ceiling fans.  

My children are absolutely amazing and especially so when you take the time to see their strengths and natural talents. Every parent should take the time to say "My child can...." instead of "My child can't ___ yet" or "I wish __ could do that". (Instead of seeing a picky eater, I now choose to see a child who may grow to love food as much as his insane mother.)
Just like you and me our kids are their own people and they will excel in various areas of their lives. You may have one child that seems to be able to do everything so well and another that will struggle and get discouraged easily. That's ok!
Take the time to know your children and recognize that maybe your kid really loves singing, but doesn't want to have to practice it. If Cambria tells me "Mum, I don't like singing lessons I just want to sing when I feel like it." I will look into any other possible reasoning for these feelings first but stop pushing her to get better. I love her just the way that she is and if she is happy, I will be happy for her. Always. And if Arayla trades in her paint brushes for drumsticks or boxing gloves that's cool too.
My plans now.... are to spend more time in the kitchen with Gavin. He's a critic not a chef and I want him to be both, someday. Everyone has to eat and everyone should be able to cook well. Even if he is only watching or listening. I know that it will sink in.
This is how I learned to make my dad's salmon patties "Are you listening Rach?" he asked as I was sitting at the counter annoyed because I wasn't on the phone or the computer. "Yeeesss". So when I grew up and hadn't had my dad's awesome salmon patties in years I called him up and sounded something like this, "Hey dad, what to do put in those salmon patties I want to make sure I remember it right." He sounded flabbergasted that I had possibly forgotten and I think he might have called me an "egg head". For the record I DID remember the recipe! Haha. I learned so much about food from my dad. Especially how to pick good steaks. He was wise to tell me everything he did when I was growing up, I would have been so lost when I went out into the world on my own.
I know that Gavin could gain so much from cooking with his being all picky about eating. When the girls are a little older they'll learn all the tricks too. 
I will encourage Gavin in the kitchen, play more music for Cambria and designate some painting clothes for Arayla. One of the amazing parts about being a parent is giving your children the tools they need to succeed in life.

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Deactivation Complete

I have just deactivated my Facebook account. Woo! It always makes me so excited. ^__^ 

In the next couple of days I will be brain storming topics for blogging (and finding the old ones I already had listed) and figuring out a good way to add in pictures.

I use my cell phone for picture taking... I am wondering if there is an easier way to upload them here...
My blogs are so bland without pictures. Sorry about that!
And as usual, I will still do my "free-style blogging" because it makes me feel good! 

 Look random picture of pecan tarts!!! 

Friday, August 17, 2012

I have neglected you!

I realized I have neglected my poor poor blog!

Life has been busy, very busy!

But I promise once my kids head out for that first day of school. I will return with more words for your pretty little eyes dear readers.

Until then, I have a fiesta to throw, a puppy to train, school clothes/supply shopping, don't forget that the fair that I grew up going to as a child will be in town again so we have to attend that.
And... next week, we have to fit in some awesome end of summer stuff to do with the kiddos... 

Until the first day of school.... I bid you a loving farewell and an apology for neglecting you.

And my coffee is getting cold!....


Saturday, June 23, 2012

While I was making a chore chart

My creative juices were flowing while trying to make up a chore chart... and I ended up with this!

Chores and Things
I pick up my toys morning noon and night
I put away my things so they can sleep tight

Gavin will practice Reading and Math
And Cam will do her A B Cs
And we'll try to teach Arayla where to go pee!

We will be polite, kind, and respectful too
This is what our parents want us to do
And we'll have lots of fun, they don't mind if we do  
But we better not fight or Mommy's face will turn blue!

We are very good kids, and we will help when we can
We'll play outside a lot and clean up when we're done
Summer is, after all, lots and lots of fun! 

Saturday, May 26, 2012

Self Improvement *February 2012*

I have been working on myself lately. Hopes, dreams, goals, how to, and all that jazz.

I have been trying to get myself back on track and out of my BLAH mode. Which has included some creative endeavors. Including painting and sketching. I don't have a lot of time for these things but when the chance is there and so is the motivation I take advantage of it. I recently made a cake for a relative's party and I was pretty proud of how it turned out.

Let's talk about the economy. **October 2011**

This isn't an economic recession, this is a g'damn CRISIS!!!

So why don't I go get a job? Good freakin' point! Thank you for bringing that to my attention, imaginary person I just made up.

Well, let me just say that with a limited education and no experience to get a suitable job that would pay child care costs I can't afford to work either! Amazing isn't it!? So I have three kids... one is in school from 8-4. I need a morning shift, and a sitter for my girls. Well then I need to make at least.... $16 an hour to be able to pay for the child care and gas and make some kind of profit.  Recommend me a job, antidepressants, a good surgeon for carpal tunnel, and we can see how far I can get. :)

So... I have had little job experience, spent the last 3 years raising my children (poor resume), and I'm not sure if I'm going to finish my college associate degree program because I failed out of the math.. twice! I know, I know, I'm a genius! .... Not.

So here is my bitch fest moment for the day:

I was supposed to have X amount of money and I really have 1/2 of X. All of X would have barely kept the bank account in the positive and would have not been able to cover the cost of my car insurance.

So I had 1/2 of X and now I have 1/4 of X because I decided I might as well pay one thing since the bank is going to bounce anyway. The other 1/4 of X will go into the bank for shits and giggles and an "oh well, I tried". Meanwhile I feel like exploding because I can't fix this CRAP!

I did it! **March**

I ran, I ate healthy, I cut back my caffeine (coffee), cut out the soda, increased water consumption. Now... what do I make for dinner? My legs are tired, so I'm sitting here sipping an evening coffee and trying to find a simple healthy recipe to make for dinner for me and my little girls.
It's my son's turn away at my parents house so he is gone until tomorrow. He is by far the picky eater in the family.

**March** Fitness Stuff

Saturday: I ran, I ate healthy, I cut back my caffeine (coffee), cut out the soda, increased water consumption. Now... what do I make for dinner? My legs are tired, so I'm sitting here sipping an evening coffee and trying to find a simple healthy recipe to make for dinner for me and my little girls.

Tuesday: So I ran again yesterday I'm getting better. Still watching my diet closely and contemplating a visit to my doctor for a routine check up see how healthy I am...

This was saved as a draft....?

Friday, May 25, 2012

Sensitivities Detected

As long as I stay away from gluten I feel fine. Great in fact. This seriously makes me wonder what my kids are in store for if they take after me.

At least I know to be aware of these things. I know to watch and pay attention.

I ate a hot dog (eww I know but it had melty cheese and it was so tempting) on a bun. And about 3 hours later my hips and knees are aching.
A few days ago I had two chili cheese dogs. I limped around for hours maybe even the entire day. I ACHE soooo bad when I eat this stuff. Since starting my diet and then testing it by eating bread products and such that contain gluten I am so much more in tune with my body and how it reacts.

It really is not that hard to eat gluten free. Think of it this way, eat meat... no breading or fillers(hot dogs probably are NOT a good idea). Even commercial spaghetti sauce contains wheat... I just found this out tonight at my friend Jessy's house.
Ok, so eat meat, eat dairy (Note: many people with gluten sensitivity or celiac disease have a lactose intolerance as well), eat fruits, vegetables, eat brown rice(it is so good for you), don't forget beans! Potatoes are awesome as well. Some stores sell rice flour so you can make your own flour products like, cakes, breads, biscuits. I have yet to try this but the flour is waiting for me when I am ready! I used it to make a rue for a cream sauce for my gluten free pasta.

I think that perhaps after we get moved and settled I will really kick my butt into gear on an entirely new blog dedicated to diet stuff.

Until next time...

Saturday, May 12, 2012

Can I be more?

Lets just get a few things straight. I am satisfied! My life is good! I don't hate myself!

However, the issue is that I want to be different.
I want to be more motivated, less planned, spontaneous, friendly, someone people want to be around. I don't think I am any of those things and I am probably not going to get here by killing people in my head when I go out in public.
I also swear at people who don't know how to drive... but they don't hear me. The other day I had to come to a complete stop for a stupid squirrel (our road doesn't have too much traffic don't worry I'm not an idiot!) because it wasn't moving aside. On my way back home the damn thing was squished on the road about 15 feet from where I had to stop for it. For that I called the squirrel a "dumb fucker". Who does that? Probably someone who cares enough about a squirrel to stop in the middle of the street to wait for it to move but who won't hesitate to race a pedestrian to an intersection! I think I have issues.. it's no wonder I don't have anyone to invite to do stuff with(Ok that's an exaggeration, don't get yourself all butt hurt. I love you!!!). 

Seriously thought I'm not the kind of person you want to be friends with. I'm a good person and I feel morally sound most of the time.... killing people in my head because they look at me in a "tone" I don't approve of probably isn't very morally sound. I don't steal or lie or cheat (at anything). I can be brutally honest and people can often take that as pessimism. But I'm not seeing the glass of water half full or half empty. I really do just see half a glass of water and I call if for what it is.
Maybe it should be a half full kind of thing? Maybe I need to work on that. But to work on these things is to try to change who I am and if I change who I am... what will I become?
Who will I be and will I end up having a nervous breakdown? Do you think you can change yourself if you really want to or is your personality predestined based off of what it has been thus far...

This is too complex. Simply put:
I want to be more!