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I think winter has been crushing my soul and dreams.
I don’t feel like this homesteading lifestyle is really attainable for us. I don’t know if I have what it takes. I don’t know if it is worth all the stress.
I have a lot of guilt pertaining to homesteading because I cannot always get the chores done on my own. I am thankful that my husband and son are quick to get it done when I don’t feel up to it. But I feel like it should be my responsibility, it is after all… my dream. No one else is quite as emotionally invested in these animals as I am. No one else really cares if we raise our own meat and animals that will provide us milk. No one else shares the same vision I have about sustainability and ethical farming practices.
But I got to thinking about how expensive this lifestyle is.
In order to keep animals we had to move to the country and get a mortgage that is twice what we paid when we lived in town. In order for it to be “worth it” we would need to have that difference be made up by animals and gardening. That’s not feasible when we’re only getting 6-12 eggs a day! Our goats are not kidding or producing milk yet.
So we need about $500 worth of self sustainability, animal products, residual income to make it really “worth it” and I am not even going to factor in fencing, shelters, troughs and bowls, or medications. That’s not happening.
Feed costs us about $75 a month. Half of that is chicken feed and the other half is goat feed. Oh, we have rabbits too now so that’s probably around $20/month. Then we also buy second cut hay but that is usually covered by the $75 budget.
Other bills that have changed since we moved out to the country.
Our house is all electric and it is expensive. We bought a heat pump and that made a difference in our electric bill but the price we paid for a heat pump will take years to really reap the full benefits of the reduced expense of heating and cooling our house.
We do not have to pay for public water or sewage but we did have to install various filtration systems in order to filter out the calcium and iron and those need routine maintenance. We also had a UV light filter installed to kill bacteria because our well water tested high for fecal coliform when we were in the process of buying. However, that’s a worrying thing for us so we buy bottled water anyway. Bottled water is expensive not to mention all that plastic is terrible for the environment. I’m looking at buying a counter top Berkey filtration system as soon as we have a little extra money for it and this will cut down our spending and trash.
Speaking of trash.. we live close to relatives and put a bag or two of our garbage in with theirs each week. We also recycle all those plastic bottles with their trash pick up.
So I guess what it all comes down to is, is it worth it?
I enjoy the lack of neighbors super close by. I like that we can hoot and holler (if we want) and carry on outside and no one is going to call the police or complain. My husband and son can shoot their guns. We live in walking distance to good hunting land and a beautiful creek that we only just walked to yesterday for the first time. We are close to family and many friends. Our dogs have lots of room to run around and play… and poop.
There are so many benefits to where we live. I guess those things are probably worth the extra cost alone and the animals are really just a perk. Perhaps in time they’ll at least be paying for themselves or earning their keep.
It really all comes down to perspective. And winter is a bad time for perspective. We’re only just beginning and maybe this lifestyle is like a marriage. It takes work and commitment. And some seasons, literal seasons, are harder than others.
So, here I am waiting for spring to change my heart, to renew my faith in this journey.
If it doesn’t happen to work out that way then I suppose we’ll have to look at our options for the future.
