I am not a perfect mother. I make mistakes. Just in case you had the wrong idea about me, I'm a total mess up some days. Actually, at least once a day I do something that reflects badly on who I am. What can I say, oh a quote, "To err is human..."
Really it always seems to boil down to the little things. You know when you finally flip your lid, lose your temper, fly off the handle, or what have you. It seems to be a small thing that keeps popping up that really just makes you lose your shit.
Too often I lose my temper and yell when my kids have done something usually something small and probably for the 15th time. But it happens with a compilation of things happening in a short period of time. Today for example headaches, off and on all day. Kids were having off days with their tempers on high and emotions too. I finally reached that point in the day where I was going to get to be alone with my thoughts. Then the child who spent two hours crying about this and that before falling asleep wakes up again and starts crying some more, about this and that again. One thing leads to another and I'm yelling about things that shouldn't have happened with another kid. I have excuses or reasons if you want them. But to get to the point, I was having a hard time and reacted badly to my emotions toward situations out of my control. I behaved like a jerk. For what reason? Previous guidelines were set and not respected resulting in a situation that was a disaster because I wasn't listened to. That had no consequences for the child but demanded me to fix it, again. I got mad and yelled and hurt said child's feelings.
I have work to do. Lately I've been thinking about things that I can change and do better as a parent. Then I go and do the opposite of course, because that makes sense in opposite world.
There always seems to be a last straw and a tiny little heart attached to it. Something worth being mindful of. I cannot forget that my choices and reactions have consequences. This really is the stuff of life, connecting with others and forming good relationships.
Thankfully I can admit fault, explain myself and apologize while moving forward and trying not to make the same mistakes. But also making sure that children fully understand why guidelines are there and helping them to make better choices.
"To err is human to forgive is divine"
Lets talk again about this...