I'm not feeling too comforted by the fact that it is "getting taken care of". Primarily because,
- #1) I have had these issues in the past and they resolved on their own no medical intervention needed,
- #2) if they miss part of the affected area they are going to want me to go back in for another mutilation of my cervix, and
- #3) there is no guarantee that the abnormal cells won't come back.
I know I'm a "Negative Nancy", call me what you will. But the fact of the matter is that I have HPV this is a virus that I am going to have to live with and without getting rid of the virus I will never be able to guarantee that these abnormal cells will go away for good. There is also no way of knowing that I've kicked the virus. Just when I thought I had it kicked, my pap results come back "abnormal". Three full years with no issues and my abnormal cells are CIN2/Stage2 precancerous. Does this mean that they are changing more quickly when my immune system is down?
In another three years will I find out that I have full blown cervical cancer when just he year before my pap was normal?
I have a lot of questions and worries and I'm honestly lacking a lot of faith right now. I'm scared and I don't want to find myself in the position I can only imagine. However, I feel that it is kind of inevitable, eventually.
You could tell me to pray, you could tell me to think positively, but lets face it... I'm a realist and I think it's about time that I buy some freaking life insurance to take care of my family whenever the day comes that they need it.
No guarantees until you're dead, even then, someone is going to resuscitate you and screw it up!
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