Fitness Update

I have been running and watching my diet. Trying to eat more raw vegetables and drink more water.

My first day of running felt like my lungs were bleeding, no, TASTED like my lungs were bleeding. I was coughing and gagging on the air. The second day I ran was better. I ran the same distance with less pain, better breathing, and no gagging afterwards. :) Progress!

So I have not ran since. I think tomorrow will be my next run day before everyone is awake. But that's it until I get new shoes that don't hurt my feet so bad. The ones I have are just uncomfortable and I don't think that's a good thing. It certainly doesn't make me want to run.

I have also been working out using Zumba Rush for XBOX 360 Kinect. It is pretty intense but very fun and I can feel it working and it's enjoyable. Today was supposed to be Zumba day + squats & lunges. My "Just Do It" is broken. I was on my feet so much today that my legs are just exhausted! My "Just Do It" is not getting repaired tonight. Tomorrow is a new day. A new and possibly glorious day.

Oh, hello motivation, hello ice cream too! o_O

I thought about my butt and it's lack of firmness and concluded. "Butts are the hardest things to tone... all they want to do is hide behind you and eat remotes and crumbs in the sofa!"

My new lifestyle starts tomorrow, after my bowl of ice cream digests and before my kids wake up. Now, as long as my alarm doesn't fail me like it has been, everything will be good. :)

Better foods, more sleep, physical activity... and maybe just maybe I will feel confident about myself soon.

The following website has some good tips. I wrote some of them down for myself as little reminders.
http://allwomenstalk.com/12-best-ways-to-lose-stomach-fat/

Well... lets start with, more sleep! <3 night 

I'm incomplete without my Mini Rae!

My youngest of three children went to spend the night with my parents last night, for two nights. Lets do a little back ground. She is two, going on three this summer, and into EVERYTHING. I was told that she and I are exactly alike, in that we both wake up like we're ready to kill. After I thought about it and realized how true it was I was half amused and half worried about what mornings will be like when she is school age and I have to wake her up. Oh boy, then what about the teen years!? What if it never stops, what if I get worse. We'll be snarling at each other and I will be the ultimate hated mom of the century!

So, while I am supposed to be enjoying the break I cannot help but feel incomplete. I don't know if this is because she is so little and demanding and always pulling at my pant-leg and "mommy!" reverberates from her lips all day long. Or if this is because she has not been away from me except once or twice before this. I feel like this with my older two children as well. But with them being older, I have gone through a few more over night trips (and have adjusted) since I remember it feeling this strong.

I have vowed to do things that I cannot do with ease with my toddler being next to me or hanging off of me. That goes for her big sister too as she just informed me, "I'm going to watch Strawberry Shortcake because Arayla won't bother me". There is some kind of magic in a two year old. She know's that everyone in the house will eventually give in to what she wants. This is especially true if she blinks her eyes real slow, tips her head to the side, and sticks her bottom lip out a little bit further.

So, yesterday the two big children and I went to the Dollar Tree store after dropping off their baby sister. Today Cam and I are going to go grocery shopping and then when Gav gets home we'll be going to rent some movies. I'm also seeing myself doing some kind of crafty something for myself. Something that I won't have to put up right away.

Anyways, my point in writing this is because I feel like having a break from my child is more like having a limb removed because I'm so incomplete without all of my children home with me.

Productivity!

I am becoming more and more productive the past couple of days. It's feeling pretty good.

I made an improvised blueberry breakfast cake which is in the oven as I type and that's before 10:00 am. Which is very rare. Although maybe this just has something to do with the completely spotless kitchen I created yesterday. :)

The rest of the day will be including cleaning, laundry, some more organizing, school work with my 5 year old, flash cards with my 2 (and a half) year old, and then  my 7 year old will come home from school and tell me all about celebrating Dr. Seuss's Birthday (or was it The Cat in the Hat's birthday??). Then hopefully I will be talking all three of my kids into watching one of mommy's dorky movies. You know, the kind that makes them roll their eyes. Well, I'm sorry, I have a strong love for the Harry Potter movies what can I say?

I'm starting to feel like I am getting close to a point where all my creativity is going to come flying out in all directions. Like, I'm feeling closer to being able to just pick up some fabric and make something. It's pretty refreshing to feel it creeping into my life. I think it might be like the kitchen... clean it, organize it, make it a happy space, then I'll actually feel like I can use it.

So I think that's where I'll be focusing for a while.

--Side Note: I really need to start including photos in my posts.--

Thinking Ahead for the Ultimate Fiesta!

We decided that we would be rolling the kids parties all into one this year. We still plan on doing our own special things with them on their birthday or the weekends closest to their birthdays, just for our family.

So since I'm planning a 3 in 1 party I want to really jazz it up and make it awesome for them and something that our guests will really enjoy. So we are doing a fiesta theme! Equipped with a taco bar, brightly colored decorations, a pinata, and I'm going to look up some fitting music to play through the party. 


Yes, I know it is only the first of March and our party will not be until August. But I want to plan this properly so that it all goes very well. Therefore, here I am confessing to being a neurotic mother! *_* Blame it on my excited-perfectionist inner child! 

Projects EVERYWHERE!

So a few days ago I deactivated my Facebook account. It has been a major relief not to look at updates and posts throughout the day. I have been at ease and have discovered a couple of my issues that are holding me back emotionally. I know now how to deal with myself. I know that to move forward I must sometimes take two steps back. I accept this.

Onward: Projects 
I have been working on some things here at home. First being FILING! I filed all the papers and documents that I could think to file (aside from the ones that the adult male of the house has neglected to hand over). With filing comes organizing! And we're getting there. I have made up some templates for household stuff. Including cleaning lists to keep on top of it all, a chart including dates (or about dates) when bills are due and the average totals for each. I also made a check off list for the entire year for the bills. So once it is paid and the check mark is in the box we can rest assured. :) You get the idea.

My next step is to get all of my kids crafting and learning supplies in order and available for use. I am also working on a rewards system project for my kids. Every week they will earn points for completing chores, school work, and general good behavior. At the end of the week these points will be added up and they will get to select a reward from the basket. The rewards will vary according to the point system. The higher the number of points they earn, the nicer the reward. I will blog with photos on this more when I have it all completed and in effect.

The next order of business I have been working on is me! Yes, taking time to do things I enjoy like blogging. I bought myself a new journal because my old one lost its appeal along the way and just seems like a place I don't want to put my memories into anymore.

Now it is time for me to get back to the real world!

Head on Collision?

I do my best as a mother (and as a person) most days and some days I am impatient, annoyed, and not what my children necessarily need but I am the other version of me that they get. Some days I just want to hibernate on the sofa. I want to be allowed to have a headache and curl up with a blanket and stay put(some days I make it happen). Most of the time someone always needs me for something and I am not complaining. I love being a mommy. I love my children. I love that I can be home for them and for their every need. I feel like this is where I need to be and this is where I want to be. For that I am so thankful.

I have a lot, and I mean a LOT, of moments when I feel like I'm not doing everything that I need to be doing. I feel like I could do better or more. I want to live this specific lifestyle and I have no idea how to make it happen. There is a part of me that feels like I need to burn the foundation of everything I know to the ground. Even when I feel this, I have no idea how to light the match and put it in motion. Maybe its all internal and because I can't see it I don't know where to begin.
People seem to get their feet so firmly rooted into something that to uproot this tree of ourselves seems impossible. They think they might as well let it stand there because the only other option is to chop it down. I don't want to kill my tree of me. I just want to move it. It's not easy but I'm sure it can be done. I want someone to show me the way. I want someone to hold my hand and tell me, "Hey... this is not going to be easy but if you really want it I will help you get there from here".

I want to battle my inner self and I want to win. I want to sever the head of the me that has been so corrupted by society and shoved into this little box with a shiny little label. I want to kill it, stomp it in the ground and say NO MORE! I feel like I'm falling apart at the place where my soul and my body collide.


Maybe falling apart is how we get it together after all. I seem to be pretty terrible at falling apart if that's the case. It's like being scared to fall and so you climb up so high that to fall apart would go against everything you've been told.
Why must we fall apart anyway? I was told that sometimes hitting that bottom is the point you want to prevent coming to and recognizing it ahead of time is the best option to prepare for the landing.
With that said, I feel like something bad is coming, perhaps the fall and the collapse of everything. The head on collision with everything I know and cling to for comfort. The comforts that I don't necessarily even want. When I come out of it, I hope to be a better version of who I am today.